Half Bread.
"I'm hungry" Our younger sister who was on my back said for the umpteenth time, my elder brother, who was beside me, squeezed my hand as I replied, "I know baby."
We continued walking, door to door looking for odd jobs to do, sometimes we got lucky, other times, not so much. This looked like one of the days we would be unlucky. We were all so young, the eldest, my brother, was only 11 years old, in an ideal world, we should have all been in school. But it's not an ideal world, is it?
He always had something to say, stories to give, to try and keep our minds off things, but today, today, he was silent. A very bleak morning it was, we all felt it, and unanimously knew we couldn't do this anymore.
At home, the hopelessness was thick in the air. But at least it was home, the baby, tired of asking for food, had dozed off, we looked at each other, eye to eye, with uncertainty but understanding in our eyes and turned back to where we came from.
Forced to grow faster than our years allowed us, our mom had found a confidant in us, she had shared with us her plan, it would be executed tonight. Took all of us months to come to terms with it, but any solution was better than no solution. Things only got worse each day and that only affirmed that plan, perhaps the land of milk and honey would be much more kinder to us, than this land of soil and rocks.
Mother had sent a letter to our dad, informing him of our decision, word had gotten to us how hard he was toiling for us to no avail, how mistreated and abused he was in his workplace only to get a cent, she couldn't bare to have her love suffer, she informed him, he doesn't have to do it anymore, he could stop as she would take away all the responsibility from him, he was free, he should emancipate himself from that slavery.
At the time, we didn't know whether he received the letter or not, it wasn't unusual because the letters took so long to get to their destination, and even longer for the recipient to send back feedback as perhaps they didn't have a cent to spare to send back one, and sometimes, they got lost on the way. We weren't sure which was which.
We got home and found mom inside the house, "I turned back", she said, "we did too" my brother responded. She opened her arms and in we all went, she relieved me of the baby, held her in one hand, the other supported us both. Needless to say, tears started flowing, she cried, my brother cried, the baby woke up and started crying, I didn't. I squeezed us all in, didn't shed a tear but felt my heart breaking, a piece at a time.
After hours, my mom wiped their tears with her palms, laid her hands on her chest, directly above her heart, looked at me and said, "It's time", I nodded my head and said, "I'll go get it". I went out to the back of the house, undug the hole and took out the bottle I hid there at the beginning of this year. Mother had stolen it when she used to work at a neighbors farm, it's almost like she knew it would come to that someday.
I had made peace with the decision, but as I lifted it out, my fingers shook, terribly and vehemently, I couldn't hold it well, severally, I had to pick it up as it kept falling on the way back. I was so afraid that we may get there and be separated, what if we won't see each other again? But mother was so sure that as long as we did it together and held each others hands, we won't be separated. I held on to her words, held the bottle firmly and stepped in.
The scene was already set as I got in, mom's favourite and only lesso was laid on the floor, three cups half full with musky water were in it, the biggest mug was placed on the left, I was the left handed one, it was mine, I was the strongest one of the three, not even mother could do it, that left only me, I'd share the contents with my sister, I'd feed us both. Somehow, I was ready.
The bottle was a litre, it was to fill the other half of the water in the cups. It should have been enough, it had to be enough. My mother took the bottle out of my hands and poured the liquid measurably in each cup. We sat in a circle. I took the baby.
We took the cups in our hands, and before we gulped them down, mother said she had a joke, my brother and I groaned, this woman was the least funniest woman ever, her jokes were so bad, we only laughed at how bad they were, not of how good they were. "A last laugh", she said, we indulged her.
Surprisingly, the joke was funny, too funny, I had the loudest laugh of all of us and man did I laugh. Last laugh indeed. How ironic the first time she said a good joke would be the last time too? Earth, Sun, Wind and Water, truly.
I was the first to see him, my dad, as the curtain part, I was sure I was dreaming, had we drank it already? But he stepped in with his large boots that were too big for him and the dream shattered into reality. He went to his wife first and picked her up, only then did I notice he was crying, mom started crying too, oh how good it felt to see him, it had been years.
The cycle started all over again, the crying, I still held my ground. He hugged all of us, one by one then all of us at once. In his hand was the letter, crumpled and frayed, but he had it, he said, " I got the letter, you don't have to, you don't have to, I made it, we made it, it all worked out, you don't have to, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry."
His legs were weak and down we all went with him, still holding each other, no one wanted to let go. How could we? The moment was broken by my grandmother, she got in and started crying too, Father had called for her, he had told her. She went straight to her daughter and held her, they didn't need to speak, they only held each other.
Dad took that chance to be with us individually. Hugging and kissing us, he wasn't an affectionate man, but I guess that changes when you reunite with your loved ones. He came to me last, "It's good to see you again Dad" I said. He picked me up and held me, "Go hold James, he needs it more" I added, James, my brother, was holding my sister now, tears still streaming down his face, he looked miserable I thought, a reflection of perhaps how we all looked, dad turned his head to look at him, he nodded, my brother shook his head, an understanding passed between them, they always understood each other without words being involved, men.
He carried me out of the house, "Where are we going? I asked, odd how I used to talk a lot in his presence but always quiet in others presence. "You always loved flowers, do you still love them?" He asked in return, I affirmed and he said, "Well, I got you one." He took me outside where he had placed a single stem of a sunflower.
He put me down, I took the flower, it was on the verge of dying, already turning to brown. But I loved it so much, I hadn't seen much beauty since, but now I did, with a smile I thanked him. He knelt next to me, and said " I'm sorry my daughter you had to be the strongest one, you had to hold everyone up at your expense, I'm sorry you didn't get the chance to be a child, but I'm here now, you don't have to be strong anymore, let it go baby, let it go, I'm here, I got you." I put my small arms around his neck and I wailed.